It started with an article by Anne-Marie
Slaughter in The Atlantic, “Why
Women Still Can't Have it All.” It was followed up by hundreds,
if not thousands, of blog posts and comments, and most notably a
response article by James Joyner in the same magazine, “Men
Can't Have it All Either.” Those two articles are primarily
about fathers and mothers in the workplace, to which a response has
been issued by the singles of the world, “Singles
Deserve Work-Life Balance Too.”
I'd like to add my two cents to the
ongoing debate and whining. Oh yes, whining. See, I'd like to submit
for debate that no one is ever going to have it all. It doesn't
actually exist, nor should it.
This concept or idea that we (a
category I will define as current-day Americans only. This is not a
phenomena that I have seen spread around the world.) should have it
all, or that anyone indeed does have it all, is a very modern, recent
development. When in history has any other generation expected a
“work-life balance?” Or that they should have a nice home, 2
cars, 2.3 children, a designer breed dog, an attentive and responsive
spouse, family vacations, “me time,” and applause for their
efforts at the end of the day?
Do you think George Washington came
home after a busy day of crossing the Delaware River and expected
Martha to rub his shoulders just before he disappeared for a long
bath and a good book? Or maybe that's too much ancient history. Let's
move farther up. Do you think the pioneers crossed the plains,
settled their land, and then complained that the grass was greener on
the other side of the valley? Or did they work for their green grass,
putting in hours of tending the fields, inventing irrigation, and at
the end of the day ate what they grew? What about in the 1950's? Did
anyone ever have it all in the days of “Leave it to Beaver?” Ward
went off to work, and June stayed home and worked. (You
know Beaver never kept his room clean.) Did they complain they didn't
have it all? Or did they keep working to keep what they had?
There is this sense of entitlement
growing across the nation, and sadly, it seems to emanate from my own
generation. People believe that “it all” exists. And worse, they
believe they deserve to have “it all.” What is “it all”
about? Work-life balance- where you work, but you get to play as
well. Your personal life is just as important as your professional
one. It means we all have equal everything, except not really. We
don't really want what everyone else has. We really want everyone
else to be status quo, while we have a little bit more. We want to
make sure everyone has access to healthcare, but really we want our
own healthcare to cost less. We want to be able to work, earn a
paycheck, and go home at the end of the day knowing that Acme Company
is still running and making money, while we run through the
sprinklers.
This is a ridiculous concept. When has
this ever worked? Has there ever been a point in history where
civilization actually succeeded by not working?
There is no such thing as having it
all. There is the perception that others “have it all.” It is the
“keeping up with the Joneses” or worse, “keeping up with the
Kardashians,” mentality that others have something we want. We
think we know what they have, but how do we know we would really be
happy with their choices? We perceive that they have something we
want, and somehow over the past generation, we have convinced
ourselves we are entitled to it.
We are not entitled to anything. If we
want something we must work to get it. If our work effort does not
earn it, that does not mean we should change the situation until we
get what we want. Yes, there are many scenarios where that mentality
works (I am not arguing against “out of the box” thinking). But
women, men, and singles (and soon I'm sure we'll find articles adding
in each individual race, age, sexual preference, occupation, etc.)
will never have it all, because it doesn't exist.
Personally, I think this idea that “it
all” exists is the result of marketing campaigns over the past
20-40 years. No generation ever before has actually had “it all.”
And yet, they survived, they produced, and from what history has told
us, they were happy. They didn't rely on pills, therapists, me time,
and a work-life balance initiative, in order to succeed. They worked
and they were happy.
This new dominant generation, the
Me/Pepsi/X/Social Media Generation, will ruin itself with this
mentality that they deserve to have it all, or that they will ever
achieve it. We must stop ourselves and learn to be happy with what we
have. We were raised in the “gimme” age of the 80s, and by the
“devil may care” attitudes of our parents from the 60s and 70s.
We are both a product of our upbringing, being told we could do
anything, achieve anything, and that we deserved trophies when we
didn't win, and yet we are also victims of our own greed. We believed
the ideas that lingered from the previous decades and didn't stop to
think it through. We need to stop now and ask ourselves what is truly
possible.
Can we have it all? Does such a thing
exist? Has history set such a precedent?
This generation has achieved a great
many things. We are living in the dreams of the future. But there are
still lessons we should learn from the past, and that includes the
rewards and confidence that comes with hard work. We need to learn to
depend on ourselves and reap what we sow, rather than expect that any
amount of work will give us what we want.
And last but not least, we need to stop
thinking in terms of what we “want” to have, and begin to think
in terms of what we need to have.
Kudos! I've been saying this for a long time -- just not so eloquently!
ReplyDelete